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Mark
Posts:1
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| 08/01/2008 3:51 PM |
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When my ex-wife and I divorced we split custody for our twins. My daughter stayed with me and my son went with his mom. All was pretty well (for teenagers!) until this year. I got remarried this summer and my daughter has been difficult ever since.
Normally a pretty good girl, she has done many things that I would never think she would. While I was on my honeymoon she had a party with several friends, boys and girls, they drank and there is some evidence of possible marijuana use. Her language has gotten extremely vulgar, even by truck driver standards, and against my rules she got a belly-button ring.
All this would seem somewhat normal for a teenage, but she has really pulled away from me. She knows I am more strict than her mother and has even commented to others that she enjoys being at her mom's house because she is really cool with having her friends over for parties and has even supplied alcohol. Keep in mind that most of these kids are 16 or 17. She knows that I would not approve of this, but I can't do anything because she refuses to come home, eventho I have custody. I could try to force the custody issue, but at her age she could ask the court for a permanent change to her mother and then my influence on her will be forever gone. This is very frustrating. I feel like she is getting little parental guidance right now since her mom is perceived more as a friend than a parent. I'm afraid she is going to get into something worse.
She has been on vacation for the past 2 weeks and doesn't know that I found out about the party. Fortunately, her older adult sister has been invited to be a "friend" on my teenagers Facebook sight and therefore has seen postings and pictures that document the party that my teen denies ever happened. I feel I must confront her on this so that she will not think she can do anything and get by with it.
I'm really struggling with all this. I feel like I should also tell some of the other parents who might want to know that their teen is drinking. |
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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 08/01/2008 5:42 PM |
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Ugh, Mark. 
My husband and I play on-again, off-again parents to my 14-year-old niece. Her parents are divorced, her mother doesn't have any custody, and her father won't set firm rules and stick by them. She has gotten into quite a bit of trouble with the last in the past year, stealing things, and I know she has been drinking. (Probably more, but I can't prove it.) So, to a point, I can understand your frustration.
Sounds sort of like your daughter might be ticked at you for remarrying and now she's rebelling. Would it be possible to spend some one-on-one time together? I'm guessing she probably isn't willing to see a counselor, but you could always try. It could be there's a whole lot of hurt from the divorce that hasn't been addressed yet.
-Julie
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