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allofgrace
Posts:3
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| 10/01/2011 10:43 AM |
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I am thinking I should have cosmetic surgery. I am asking here, because I would like a completely honest opinion.
I am very thin, and very small chested. I guess I have always wished I had larger breasts, but it didn't really bother me. I was still happy and felt desirable and sexy. Now, since reading these books? I feel like keeping myself covered up. I don't want to be compared to everyone else he sees - I KNOW I do not measure up. I feel self-conscious during sex now. Here's a good analogy: I almost feel as I would feel if I had been singing in public for many years and someone just took me aside and said, "You know, you really have an awful voice." Humiliated and ashamed.
Just for the record, my husband (of 15 years) is very kind, he complements me and treats me well. We love each other very much. I feel sorry for him, actually. He is stuck with someone who, compared to others, is so unsexy. I have started wearing padded bras, so that he does not have to feel ashamed of me in front of others. I have seen him looking at other women, advertisements, and magazines in the stores occasionally, but he always denies it - he really tries, and he doesn't want to hurt me.
What do you think - would it be worth the expense and other risks to have cosmetic surgery? After all, we do correct other imperfections like crooked teeth, etc.
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Peace
Posts:13
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| 10/03/2011 12:38 AM |
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Hi allofgrace,
To start off, I understand exactly where you're coming from, because it sounds like you've just about perfectly described my body type - I have a very similar body type. The only difference in my situation is that I read the book long before getting married, so I was aware of what it says before I ever had sex. Let me tell you, I was apprehensive about that first night! But I truly had no need to be. My husband is much like yours: he compliments me and says he loves being with me. That's been a huge help to me.
As far as cosmetic surgery, I don't think it's inherently wrong, as many Christians seem to feel. But would I personally ever take that route? No. Here's why: while many women are oblivious to the "visual rolodex" before reading FWO, I truly believe that after we read it, we tend to panic a bit and overestimate the power it has over our men. Honestly, yes, men do struggle with being visual. But I highly doubt that good Christian men who are truly seeking to honor God and keep their eyes only on their wives spend time dwelling on those images. Yes, they'll pop up and try to take hold of his thoughts, but a man who is seeking to honor God and his wife will push them away. With time and practice, he'll get better and better at it until it's not nearly the struggle it used to be. I know this is the case for several godly men I have spoken to who used to struggle with pornography, my husband included. Bottom line: it is not my responsibility to be so sexy that he can't help but think only of me 24/7. It is my responsibility to take care of myself, to eat healthfully, and to dress in a manner that is attractive to him. It's *his* responsibility to keep his eyes on me. He married me knowing full well that I'm a fairly small woman, and knowing his responsibilities to me and to God. If he doesn't find my body to be completely perfect, well, he can live with it! It's not my job to be perfect; it's my job to respect him and to love him to the best of my abilities. And if he were a man that had a problem with the fact that I'm small, well then I'd say he's not the right man for me (fortunately, I've been blessed with a man who works hard to keep his eyes on me and to encourage me!). Every woman has her "imperfections" and so does every man. If we can't learn to accept those "flaws" both in our spouses and in ourselves, marriage is going to be very, very rough (and for that matter, who decided that smaller breasts were a "flaw" anyway?? I know several women who wish they were smaller! I guess the grass is always greener ... ).
Now all that said, if you truly cannot enjoy your body as is, if you constantly feel insecure and unsexy, and you truly believe that cosmetic surgery will fix that, then by all means, have cosmetic surgery. Just be aware that many women have reported a number of unpleasant side effects, and I'd strongly recommend doing some research to be sure you're aware of the risks and repercussions. I'd also strongly recommend talking about this with your husband first. Some men honestly find smaller women to be sexier - and if it really doesn't make that big a difference for your husband, it may not be worth the time, money, pain, and hassle to do it. Finally, I think for many (though not all) women, their insecurity runs deeper than their physical appearance. Many women believe that having cosmetic surgery will improve their self-esteem, only to find another flaw after having the procedure. So if I were in your shoes, I would do a lot of praying first to be sure this is truly the issue. But at the end of the day, there is no biblical reason not to have cosmetic surgery, so if you truly believe that you will be happier with larger breasts, then it may be worth it to consider the procedure.
I hope this is helpful, and I pray God gives you wisdom as you consider your options. God bless!
In Christ,
Peace
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Trevor
Posts:8
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| 01/10/2012 2:20 PM |
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I feel sorry women who feel they need big boobs to compare. Honestly, mens desires and tastes are so different. Women don't seem to believe it though or they don't want to believe it. There are a LOT of guys that like girls/women with smaller breasts. My wife is on the smaller side and I love it. I would be really disappointed if she got them enlarged. She misses her "pregnant breasts" but honestly I like them the way they are now...she never believes me though.
I guess the question is...what is larger breasts going to do for you? You'll like your boobs more but then it will be something else...your teeth? your skin? your arms? God created you the way you are for a reason...embrace who you are and learn to love yourself. Bigger boobs won't make you a better person, it won't get your husband to love you more...it will just cost a lot of money and pain. |
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