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Mike
Posts:1
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| 06/27/2010 12:02 AM |
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| I have to say the more I read, the more I wonder if in life you just get the opposite of what you are looking for. I love my wife more than anything. My wife has chronic pain and is addicted to pain meds. We used to make love quite often, and now after two kids, it's almost gone. I work two jobs so that she can be a stay at home mom. I am a firefighter that works a 24 on, 48 off shift. Most times, I am only home once ever three days and I am dog tired. I help with the kids, I do house work (dishes, laundry, vaccuming, cleaning, etc), I try to make sure she has time to herself away from me and our boys. I am lucky if we're together once a month. Most times it's once every three, four, or six months. And it's never on special occasions. I have no self confidence, I am miserable, depressed, and I spend too much money trying to buy happiness in so may different ways. I have never cheated on her, and I don't ever intend to. It just seems to me that the women that want sex (I have a friend/co-worker in the same boat), your husband isn't interested. Men that want more sex, your wife isn't interested. I don't know what to do anymore. I beg and plead, I get mad and frustrated, I've recently started smoking again, and sometimes drink too much. I still pray all the time for things to get better. It all just makes me sad. Why couldn't low/no sex drive women end up with the like men, and high sex drive men end up with the like women? I think ours lives and marriages would be much better... |
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abc
Posts:3
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| 07/04/2010 4:11 AM |
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| i understand your frustration & have often wondered the same thing myself but they do say opposites attract....to me self esteem & being depressed is killing me, i have 0% self esteem left & if it is at all possible it keeps getting lower all the time which causes my depression. i have tryed so hard to put him first all the time & boost his ego & affirm him as much as possible but even with all of that it did not help. i try looking really, really nice when i am with him & even when it is just us sitting @ home doing nothing so i guess it is just in their hands & GOD's hands & all we can do is just pray for them, us & whatever the future holds. |
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maallen3
Posts:8
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| 08/20/2010 9:42 AM |
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My husband and I had another argument last night about this. He wanted to play a video game, I wanted to have sex. I had asked for sex the two previous nights, but they were busy days I understood why he would say no. Yesterday, I hinted at it but didn't come right out and say it. I know if I'd said "I want sex" he would have stopped playing the game for me, but I felt kinda trapped. I wanted him happy, and he wanted his video game. So I tried to hold out and go without. But I as I lay in bed, my hormones raging, I just got angrier and angrier until I blew up. Now I feel bad.
We talked. He said he wants 4 to 12 hours notice before I want sex. It can't be 24 hours notice because he will forget, and it can't be less than 4 because he needs to plan out what he is doing on his video game. This is one of the solutions given by the men's book about women (telling your spouse several hours in advance that you want sex). I think it is kinda weird, but I will try it. I'll tell you guys if it works.
I wonder, has anyone run accross a good book for women in our situation?
If not, we need to write one. To show women who are frustrated, that they are not alone.
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abc
Posts:3
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| 09/01/2010 1:22 AM |
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| i am sorry 4 what u r going thru.....i know how frustrated i get so i can only imagine how frustrated u are b/c your situation seems a lil' far off from mine. i could not imagine m husband telling me to give him 4-12 notice, that just stinks--where is the fun in that? i guess all u can do is try it & see if it helps. i would also like to know if there is a book on this b/c u r right there really needs to be. i have a problem asking 4 it b/c i am scared of rejection & even though i do not think he would reject me 80% of the time, i feel as though he would say yes some out of pity & i do not want his pity. i want him to want me the way i want him or atleast a lil' more than what he does now. i am very frustrated b/c i do not know what to do either, i almost want him to go to the doctor & tell the doc to give him something b/c we are too young to already be having this issue. is once a week normal for a man? |
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ChristInMe
Posts:1
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| 09/11/2010 1:37 PM |
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| As one of those one in four...I would say YES! Sex tops my list as a way of feeling loved. Not the only way but definitely important. Not only that, but sexual intimacy is the most important method for me to express my love for my husband. (Of course, I try to meet his needs in this area in ways that work for him) |
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Mr. T.
Posts:6
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| 09/25/2010 8:15 PM |
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| Hello, ladies.
I am sorry to hear about your current situations with having an unmet desire. I can relate. I was married for almost seven years and had a wife that for all respects and purposes had littl to no libido. I, on the other hand, suffered no such "ailment". In fact, I am have the proverbial "inextinguishable" level that was so charmingly afore mentioned. I remember all too well how frustrating it becomes when you are not having your needs met. I don't know what the answer is. Especially, since I am no longer in that situation. I simply can't imagine not wanting it - particularly, with the woman I love. It is a wonder that an all knowing God would create such relational and emotinal gaps between males and females...or why He would put two together that seem to not "click", if you will. Please, don't take that statement wrong. I do sincerely and wholeheartedly love and put my faith in God. It is just a mystery to me why He would just make it easy once we are together. Perhaps it is to give us a genuine appreciation and value for what we seek once we finally do. Anyway, hope you are all well and things turn around. The same could be said for my current situation. Just some thoughts.....Take care and BE BLESSED!!!!
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Mr. T.
Posts:6
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| 09/25/2010 8:21 PM |
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| Wait......Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??? He put a video game before sex? Does he have a pulse? I am not trying to make light of your situation. I am, however, shocked! Yikes! This is crazy to me. I can't imagine how frustrated you must be.... |
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LovingMomma
Posts:4
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| 10/09/2010 4:46 PM |
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Ive been in all of your shoes, what I realized for me was it was more of a not feeling loved thing then a needing sex thing. I thought well all men want to have sex all the time but mine doesnt, so it must be me. But its not all men, not all men want sex all day every day. Once I accepted this, and accepted my husbands reasons for not always wanting sex (he works long hours and is exhausted, plus he gets more in the mood in the middle of the day, where I dont see him till the evening) I started to be more ok with it. I remember when we went months without sex, it made me so depressed. But it wasnt about sex at all, it was that feeling of being desired. I stopped taking care of myself as well, because why bother, and of course that just made it worse. I would beg for sex, which just made my husband feel pressured and want it less.
Now we still dont have sex as much as I would like, its only once a week tops, but at least we do it, and we do have up moments, but what helps me is knowing that my husband loves me, and thats not the reason why. I try to keep myself attractive for him, and that helps as well. Most of the time I let him come to me, so as not to put the pressure on, or have to deal with being rejected (worst feeling ever) but I do occasionally let him know I am interested. I understand that sometimes he comes home tired from work and is more interested in getting a break to watch a show then to sleep with me. Once I realized that its not about me it helped. Its just the way he is. |
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Delilah
Posts:2
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| 11/01/2010 12:56 PM |
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Posted By frustrated on 05/11/2010 1:49 PM ok, how about a different perspective on all this, my wife is in the 3 out of 4!
is all this discusion, books and radio programs really pleasing to God?
if I find myself wishing my wife were in the 1 out of 4, isnt that lusting after another woman, or one of the woman in this forum.
perhaps it is causing me to sin.
Just a thought!!
While there are a number of "one in fours" out there, note that they are all still women. They may desire their husband to want more sex, but they likely only want more sex with HIM, not someone else. After reading For Women Only, it's apparent that it may not be the same for men, given their "rolodex" mentality. So I wouldn't be to quick to call "sin", because in all likelihood, these women aren't lusting other men, just wanting their husbands more.
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christy
Posts:1
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| 11/16/2010 1:18 AM |
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| I am also a 1 in 4. I have been married for 2 ½ years. Like many of you, my husband was very affectionate before marriage. However, everything changed the day we got married. My husband had very little interest in sex and eventually he didn’t want it at all. At first I thought there was something wrong with me and then I thought he was either gay or cheating on me. I eventually forced him into counseling. It turns out that he suffers from emotional anorexia. He just started seeing a counselor on a regular basis and I am finally starting to have a little hope. |
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Melissa
Posts:3
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| 06/09/2011 11:08 PM |
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I believe a more accurate statement would be is that 1 in 4 or 25% or woman actually enjoy sex to the fullest as God intended. Quite frankly if a woman is turned on to sex - 5 men would not be able to keep her satisfied. A man may "want" to have sex in the am, noon and at night but a woman "can" have sex in the am, noon and night. She hasn't the performance issue to deal with which is why I believe it is the woman and not the man that the bible calls insatiable and she is the hunter in proverbs seeking her prey. I believe God created something quite beautiful and perfect but thru our many inventions (ecclesiates) and perversions we have twisted our thinking on the subject. A man does not need to do anything but go thru puberty to have his sexuality awakened and he experiences orgasm very early on - sex with his wife is just a continuation of what he experienced as a boy. On the other hand unless a woman is messed with when she is young it takes longer for her sexuality to awaken, she does not experience unprovoked orgasms. When she gets married, unless her husband has been counceled by some Godly experienced man, he will likely not be very intuned to the fact that it takes a bit more than, what shall I say to keep this tactful, takes more than what he's been used to doing. Enough of these experiences will leave a woman a might bit frustrated and turned off of the whole sex idea. Let's just raise the babies and get on with it. Honestly if men experienced this they would feel the same - if you could imagine every-time you made love to your wife it ended in frustration with no climax - you'd not be really happy campers. Anyway my point it that there are men out there that take the time to understand the female and females that take the time to understand and learn about their own bodies, and when this takes place an awakening occurs like nothing you can imagine - these are the 1 in 4 females or the 25% that like sex and awful lot - unfortunately by time this happens the fellas are slowing down a bit - things aren't quite working the way they use to and it can be a bit intimidating for a man that is facing a dwindling sex drive to have a woman with an awakened sex drive. In a relationship as God intended it to be - you'd have the loving, concern on both parts and they'd of figured things out with his grace - instead we seem to stumble through life - both sides frustrated and not getting their needs met - looking over the fence and imagining falsely that someone else can meet those needs. Satan's great lie - it is only the 2 with God at the center that can figure the whole mess out. Not many have as can be clearly seen in all the posts. 
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Marganit
Posts:12
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| 10/11/2011 2:18 AM |
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>>> I've got you ALL beat.
My husband has been chronically ill since we got married (9 years ago in October.) We haven't had sex in about 7 years.
Whoa nelly! I have a lot of respect for you, Julie!
I'm a one-in-four, never married, although not a virgin so I *know* what I'm missing.  I wonder if "physical touch" being my primary love language is what makes me a one-in-four or just exacerbates it. I'm a very frustrated, lonely, and sad single as I pass 37 years of age!!
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