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Chrissy
Posts:1
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| 09/06/2009 9:15 PM |
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Hi there.
I was needing some advice from someone. I am reading the book which I love so much and just got done with the chapter on visual rolodexes - so this is great timing. I was cleaning out the closet in me and my husband's room when i found a Playboy tucked way in the back which came out only 2 months ago. We got married in March and we are very happy. Prior to our marriage he would go to strip clubs and i knew he loved looking at women so I don't know why i figured he would just stop once we got married. My concern isn't that he gets tempted because i understand that he is bound to be tempted several times a day. What concerns me is that he is acting upon the temptation by going out and buying a Playboy. I haven't spoken to him about it yet, but when I do I'd really like to know what to say to him. I don't want to sound like i'm pointing fingers, yet I need him to know that this is not okay. We have 2 small children and I'm due in November for our third, and I can't have these suprises in our home. Unfortunately we have not found a church that we really like up here since we have moved and I know nobody yet, so there's really no one to get some good Christian advice from. So I guess my question would be, 'what do i say to him?' Thanks so much for the help!
Christina |
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maddiegirl
Posts:210
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| 09/07/2009 3:33 PM |
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wow.......so you ignored this issue before? i totally aggree w/ you....just because you're married doesn't make those problems go away, and it's all definately sin.i'm not trying to sound harsh!! just trying to say it how it is.....
i think you should tell him that playboy & anything else he's been doing - strip clubs, whatever - are really wrong and are damaging/or have the potential to damage relationships (God, you, & the kids, to name a few) and lives. tell him he needs to stop before it goes any farther, and maybe you could suggest a workshop/counseling type thing. They have a LOT of those that you can look up online, one of the most popular Christian ones I know being "Every Man's Battle" workshops, Every Man's Battle is also a really good book (so I've heard) and i think they have a website. You both could perhaps try counseling to understand why he does this maybe?
That's just my advice, hope it helps, and congrats on your 3rd baby!! =D |
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Healingfromhurt
Posts:15
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| 09/12/2009 2:18 AM |
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Christina,
I don't know if you've already approached your husband about your findings yet, but if not, I would suggest telling him what you've found and how it makes you feel. Then I would listen to his response. I would also ask him about his history with porn use - whether it's published images, strip clubs, videos, other women etc. I obviously don't know your husband, but in my case, my husband wasn't forthcoming with information. I needed to find out first and then directly ask him with the proof before he would come clean. I think this was his way of still maintaining his habit which he rationalized by saying that if I didn't bring it up, it was still ok, even though he told me he would discontinue his porn use. An addiction is full of twists and turns and lots of things that don't make sense!
My husband tried kicking his porn habit by himself (i.e. no Christian counseling, no prayer to God, etc). He failed. Porn is Satan driven. So to fight a spiritual battle, you need God on your side to win. But it will only be successful if your husband wants to pursue healing. You can't make him do it because you can't control him. He can't do it for you. He needs to do it for himself and with God's help. Thus, I would definitely recommend Christian counseling - one that is experienced in dealing with sexual addictions.
Finally, for you...try to take care of yourself through all of this. This is your husband's issue. You didn't cause it. I would also recommend counseling for yourself to help you sort through your feelings. I think it's important for each party to get individual counseling and then also together as a couple. And most importantly...continue to pray!
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