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J2911Gal
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| 02/15/2009 10:03 AM |
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| I have a unique situation. I am in a long distance relationship with the most wonderful man. And I find myself struggling with the distance, not the physical distance, the emotional distance. When he becomes stressed, he will shut me out, sometimes for a week. I realize men are logical in how they process things, but it leaves me feeling insecure. I try very hard not to respond in a negative way when this happens, but it is really starting to take its toll on me... Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help the situation, the last thing I want to start doing is pointing fingers at him saying "you aren't, blah, blah, blah". This is a very common practice for him, and I need help. I fear this is something that will always be...and I'm old and wise enough to know that you can't change someone else. So any suggestions on how to stop feeling so hurt by this? I'm going to add that I don't think he is doing anything wrong, it is just how God wired this wonderful man... |
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ebusy lady
Posts:1
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| 03/01/2009 9:11 AM |
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My husband, too, does this. He has the not so subtle way of just saying - if I try to process one more thing (meaning a conversation with me) my head will explode.
We took an evening and went to dinner together. I talked to him about how proud I am of him and how he takes care of the family (financially, provider-wise). You see, I have listened to both books and he doesn't have time to listen to one. He reminded me that he used to not be so distant, but the way I responded to him over the years caused him to retreat and become distant. I know he was right and I am now doing all I can to remedy what I can control - my responses to him. With us this is tied to his playful advances toward me at those MOST INCONVENIENT times. I brushed him off so many time because I was in mommy mode. This then affected every other connection with me and he withdrew and became - DISTANT!
The return to how he used to be will take a long time, as we have been married 16 years. But, with my better understanding of his needs, we will get through this. I know it wasn't just me that got us here, but I also know that if I don't make the first effort, nothing will ever change.
It is so true what they say about behind every good man there is a good woman. The power of our words & actions on our men is truly amazing! |
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