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Anita White
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| 01/30/2009 2:24 PM |
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| I bought and read FWO at the advise of our minister. I feel my husband of 18 years is selfish in decisions and actions. He has a 45 to 50 minute commute to his job. I also work but commute is not long but I do have overnight travel (apprx. 5 nights a month). I am the one who gets everyone including DH sometimes up in the mornings, breakfast, fix lunches and kids to school. I am also the one who gets kids home, homework, dinner, etc. He has elderly parents who we have to care for some due to him being the only child. My approach is just do what you have to do. I also help with them. He doesn't help alot around the house except for occasionally. He has always gone to church but recently on he might say he had to give his father a bath at that time or he just didn't make it. I know I don't respect him for this type of decision. Maybe that carries over into other situations also, idk. Both of our children play ball. He is very eager to go to practice but DD (14) doesn't see it as fun any more. He constantly says that whatever she does is not good enough. She is losing interest. She says that he makes faces that I don't think he even realizes. Maybe he doesn't mean anything by it but it is received differently. I think we all perceive that if something doesn't go his way then he is in a bad mood and feel like you need to walk on egg shells. I have tried to info from FWO into practice and tried to examine the things I say and do to see if they are received as disrespectful. Sometimes I just want to give up. I don't see him as rational. Also I don't think that he forgives things in the past because he brings them up. I think he wants everyone around him to see all the good and actually myself, DD, DS, his mom and dad are the only ones that see this side of him. I have thought we should go to counseling but I have tried to mention before and it was not taken well. I think he doesn't want anyone to know anything. Said it didn't matter and wouldn't change anything. Please help. |
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marc
Posts:5
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| 02/01/2009 11:01 PM |
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Hey AW, even if he dont go with you, take the first step and go talk with someone yourself, it will help you deal with it.
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SewReba
Posts:19
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| 02/02/2009 6:17 PM |
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| I agree. He may never go, but counseling is for learning about yourself and how you can better deal with life. Have you tried taking his complaints and waiting for a less tense time to initiate an open discussion with him? He may be so disconnected that he doesn't even believe your efforts are real or see the families brokenness. I would ask him about a specific complaint he has and offer him the floor to give suggestions to remedy the'issue'. Help him to reasonably review the options providing opportunity for him to come to a conclusion, not you. He may even come to realize that he is being unreasonable. I often will tell our kids who are younger 8 and 5, 'Dad is having a hard time. Life can be hard on us sometimes. Let's give him some space and forgive him when he is angry. He is unhappy, but we can still choose to be happy.' Helping your kids to learn how to deal healthfully with this will make them functional adults. They will meet many people (school, work, personal) whom they wont like, but train them not to live reacting to other people, but rather to have a plan of dealing with the behaviors of others appropriately. When they have a plan they wont be left to react on present emotions but rather a rational plan. Your example will speak volumes to them. If necessary, find time away that builds your relationship with the kids, don't talk down about dad at all, let the kids vent and help steer them but avoid abandoning your hubby. He is obviously dealing with a lot, as are you, take breaks, trust and obey God, then you will find the peace you need to make it through that day. Let tomorrow worry about itself. You might also think back to previous things he enjoyed and plan for him to have a day to do that with your genuine blessing. |
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Self discipline is what we need in order to do the things we must do so that we may have the things we say we want. -JM |
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