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nesewig
Posts:4
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| 09/04/2010 5:52 PM |
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| A couple days ago, while trying to diffuse my husbands anger about something minor in the home, I compared his behavior to someone he does not like. He took this as a major insult - although none was intended. After reading the book, I discovered that I disrepected him.
He only speaks to me when necessary and is very distant. When I ask how long he intends to behave this way, he just says "I don't know".
I do not know what to do. We have had several problems with our marriage in the past few years where I have emotionally distanced myself from him, but in the past three months we have been communicating better and getting closer. This last argument set us way back.
What can I do? I told him that I will still bring him into my life and speak to him and be cordial. Is there any way that I can get us back to normal?
We have a 5 year old daughter and I dont want her to grow up in a home where her parents are just coexisting.
His behaviour deeply hurts me. We don't have a church and he has no male friends.
Please help me! |
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steph6246
Posts:4
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| 09/07/2010 7:24 AM |
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Sounds like me and my husband. First, let me tell you that I'm adding your and your husband to my prayers. This is never an easy thing to deal with. Second, I'm praying also for your daughter, that God will shield her eyes and heart while you and he heal.
My husband and I do this same pattern: everything gets a bit better, then something happens and we fall back about 5 steps and withdraw from each other. And the best way I've learned how to draw him back in is to be the first to change. As hard as it is to say, nesewig, you can't change him. But you can change what you do! Think this over for a while: what's something that means a lot to your husband that you can do/give to him? For my husband, it's taking a walk. We walk every day (weather permitting) because I know he needs that time to reconnect with me. Even when I don't feel like walking, I still go walk. And it means the world to him - I'm putting him first. And when we do that, I notice that he reciprocates...not always in huge strides, but hey, I'll take babysteps!
Also, finding a counselor can help. Maybe a male counselor that he can learn to trust? And finally, (I say this in Christian love) FIND A CHURCH. The resources and support in a church can be life-changing. |
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nesewig
Posts:4
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| 09/07/2010 8:04 PM |
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Thanks steph6246, I have decided that I will follow God's direction for how I will handle this situation. I have decided to be kind, respectful and still tell him that I love him. I know that I can not change him, but pray that God will work on his heart. I am a member of a church and have been going their for counsel, prayer and to just feel surrounded by other people. I know that we will weather this storm and come up stronger.
There have been times when I have thought about giving up and moving on, but I know that he is my soul mate. God brought us together and we will make it.
I am making changes in myself, but still opening myself up to him. I may get anger back in return, but the Lord will strengthen me. |
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Peace
Posts:13
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| 09/08/2010 12:35 AM |
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| This may be completely unhelpful, but since you didn't say anything one way or the other, I'll ask it: have you apologized directly? I too am working to learn how to best respect my husband, and I'm a long way from actually doing it well, but I'm learning. I've found that simply saying, "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to come across as disrespectful - I think the world of you" goes a long way. Of course, you have to really mean it when you say it, but I've found that simply, directly apologizing and reaffirming my respect for my husband can go a long way toward diffusing the situation. |
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nesewig
Posts:4
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| 09/10/2010 11:39 AM |
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| Yes. I did apologize and asked for his forgiveness. Still no change. My heart is aching and I am not certain what to do. I just keep praying and asking everyone to pray for me. |
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