The following books and web sites should be helpful to any reader who wants to further research or investigate the issues raised in For Men Only. We have not personally read every book listed here, but each one has been recommended to us by counselors, friends, and professionals working to help improve family relationships.
The links and recommended reading below cover a variety of topics, with – at the moment – a particular focus on helping men, women and marriages understand and deal with the thought-life challenges of our sexualized culture. Because that topic requires more specialized research, I'm giving those resources a special section on this page.
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General Resources
This resource list includes many books that come from a faith-based perspective, and several that do not, but are highly recommended or were cited in For Men Only.
Movies
FireProof premiers September 26, 2008.
Fireproof is so different. The (protagonist) couple is already married ten years, but their love has grown cold. They’re heading in different directions and living separate lives. They don’t even resemble the people they once were. So the theme of the movie is, ‘Can a relationship like that be resurrected? Can you rekindle flames of love and romance in a marriage that’s all but dead?’ The movie gently leads audiences to the answer… There is also a ministry website for those who are struggling or want to work on their marriages, and it’s www.fireproofmymarriage.com
Click Here to order your copy of The Love Dare book, the instrumental tool used heal the marriage in this movie.
Read the Christian Living article about Kirk Cameron and Fireproof, the movie.
Books
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This book will help you identify what makes your spouse, specifically, feel loved.
- A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy by Douglas E. Rosenau
A licensed psychologist/Christian sex therapist answers specific questions about sexual topics, techniques, and pleasure.
- Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease
This fascinating book, a top seller in the general market, has some extremely well-researched information explaining many of the hard-wire differences between men and women. While the authors occasionally veer into interpreting data with a liberal ideological slant, and their ideology may have led the authors to ignore other explanations for their findings, most of the book is top-notch. Fun reading and highly recommended.
- You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Communication by Deborah Tannen
Another excellent general-market book, this one by a PhD linguist, about differences in communication.
- Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
Eggerichs’s book has 4 chapters specifically for confused men, in which he translates signs that seem to indicate in her a critical spirit, but are actually signals that she’s needing reassurance of your love.
- If Only He Knew: What No Woman Can Resist by Gary and Norma Smalley
Do you want your wife to understand you? ...appreciate you? ...be more responsive sexually? ...support you during hard times? ...admire you? ...share your interests? ...listen to what you have to say?
Other Great Resources
- His Needs, Her Needs—Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
How can couples experience a lifetime of passion and fulfillment in marriage? By identifying each other’s most important emotional needs and developing habits to meet them.
- Discovering the Mind of a Woman by Ken Nair
Husbands need to learn how to understand their wives respond to them in a consistently Christlike manner. A radically transformed and renewed marriage will be the result.
- Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray
The classic, and still highly recommended.
- Men’s Relational Toolbox by Gary, Greg, and Michael Smalley
When it comes to significant relationships, men often grab the tools that make them successful in the workplace—and then wonder why they didn’t work. Men can discover the particular set of tools they need to build and repair the relationships that are most important to them.
- Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman
A practical guide to help married couples discover the importance and beauty of sexual intimacy according to God’s plan.
- The Alchemy of Love and Lust: How Our Sex Hormones Influence Our Relationships by Theresa L. Crenshaw
A general-market book, also quoted in For Men Only, provides clinical insight on how the biochemistry of the male and female bodies affects love and sex.
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver
Relationship experts offer rigorous scientific procedures via a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises to analyze the marriage relationship.
- LoveTalk and Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
- You Matter More Than You Think by Dr. Leslie Parrott
Links
Help in a Sexualized Culture
Watch one woman's story about how Shaunti's book, For Women Only, played a role in her journey to victory after discovering her husband's addiction to pornography when she was just a few weeks pregnant with their first child. Read more about how she coped with this battle.
Links
- www.nationalcoalition.org
I recommend the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, headed by Dr. Jerry Kirk, as a good starting point (they were an invaluable resource as I was writing this book). They have a help line, referrals to local counselors, and lots of great information. (Because of the National Coalition's benefit as a central clearinghouse, as well as their ministry heart and established integrity, I recommend them if you are moved to make a financial donation to this arena of ministry. Their address is 800 Compton Road, Suite 9224, Cincinnati, OH 45231.)
- www.filterreview.com
They have also evaluated 60 of the top Internet filters, and have established a website, that helps people choose the right filter for them.
- www.puredesire.org
The 'Pure Desire' ministry, founded by a man who has overcome his own struggles and now ministers to thousands each year.
- www.pureintimacy.org
This is an online ministry of Focus on the Family, providing practical resources for individuals who want to overcome the grip of online pornography and affairs. Focus also offers a pastoral care line, 1-877-233-4455, for pastors and their families. The main Focus help-line of 800-A-FAMILY can refer others seeking help in this arena.
- www.promisekeepers.org
The Promise Keepers men's ministry has many resources and links to other relevant ministries and helpful articles. In particular, please note their unique accountability software service, Eye Promise. (It allows users who want to stay pure to pick accountability partners, who are then able to see all sites the user visits.)
- www.ccv.org
Citizens for Community Values is a grass-roots organization working to clean up communities, influence policy, and rescue those trapped in and by the sex industry.
- www.obscenitycrimes.org
This is an online resource for educating the public and reporting possible violations of obscenity laws. Reports made by the public about online (or other) violations are referred to the Justice Department in Washington, for investigation.
- www.purelifeministries.org
Pure Life Ministries offers extensive materials, counseling, live-in aid for those in need of intervention, and off-site help. The website has a special resources section for wives.
- www.settingcaptivesfree.com
This non-profit website offers interactive online courses to find freedom from pornography and sexual impurity of any kind as well as any other addiction. Courses are offered for either the person addicted to porn or the spouse. On their site you will find free MP3 downloads of sessions and testimonials, course offerings, and much more.
- www.storyspot.com
- www.faithfulandtrueministries.com
Recommended Reading
This is not an exhaustive list, but you should be able to find some useful information that gets you started either in these books, or via the ministries listed above.
- Beneath the Surface: Steering Clear of the Dangers That Could Leave You Shipwrecked by Bob Reccord, Broadman & Holman, February 2002.
Synopsis: In this little book, Dr. Reccord compares King David's failure in sexual temptation with Joseph's victory, warning readers not to be complacent about their own vulnerability and drawing lessons for today's culture.
- Every Man's Battle; Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time by Stephen Arterburn, Waterbrook Press, July 2000.
Synopsis: While temptation is impossible to avoid, it is possible to rise above it. Presents testimonies of success, and a plan men (and their wives) can follow to freedom.
- Pure Desire by Ted Roberts, Regal, 1999.
Synopsis: A comprehensive look from an author who overcame his own struggles, this book helps in the identification of addictions and outlines steps to set one's-self or others free.
- The Purity Principle, God's Guardrails on Life's Dangerous Roads by Randy Alcorn. Multnomah Publishers. July 2003.
Synopsis: God has placed warning signs and built guardrails to keep us from plunging off the cliff. This book covers training our children in sexual purity, protecting purity in dating (at any age), and maintaining purity in marriage.
- Real Solutions for Overcoming Internet Addictions by Steve Watters, Vine Books, July 2001.
Synopsis: Examines Internet compulsions, including pornography, and provides advice from professionals, outlining steps people can take to beat their addiction.
- Faithful and True by Mark Laaser, Zondervan Publishing Company, May 1996.
Synopsis: Dr. Laaser offers help and hope for regaining and maintaining sexual integrity, self-control, and wholesome, biblical sexuality.